Another reason to love Google

For some reason, my Google page was in German, so I had to find the German word for "preferences" (Einstellungen, for future reference) and change the language in the pull-down menu.

But has anyone noticed that Google includes languages like "Elmer Fudd" (e.g., "I'm Feewing Wucky"), and "bork, bork, bork" (I have no idea what that is)?

Sorry, these are the things you notice when you're stuck in an airport for six hours.

Why It Pays to be Vegan at 35,000 Feet

Hear me out.

On British Airways, and I’m supposing on most airlines nowadays, you can log your meal preference online prior to your flight.

Always go vegan for two reasons: (1) Meat on a plane will always be chewy and overcooked. (2) You’ll avoid the cheese factor, i.e., when they use melted cheese to compensate for whatever’s underneath. This usually does the trick, except when it doesn’t. Like on a plane.

I think I made some enemies on that plane. My neighbors were casting jealous eyes at my meal as they tried to eat their rubber chicken and congealed heaps of lasagna. Or else it was just the general looks that vegans tend to get, being pariahs and all.

In the spirit of McSweeneys, here's a review:

Whole-grain pasta with marinara sauce: Packaged in an oval-shaped plastic container with a foil lid, the pasta had a deliciously doughy texture. It was topped with a too-sweet, too-salty marinara sauce that, in retrospect, may well have been ketchup. However, if you have a good imagination, you can close your eyes and banish the whole “ketchup” thing from your mind, and then it will really resemble the real thing. Which is the point with airline food – it’s not going to taste good, but it should at least resemble something edible.

Another thing: what meal was that supposed to be? My flight left at 10:30pm, and they served this meal at midnight. If you account for the time change from New York to London, the meal would be at 5 a.m., which still makes no sense. Awkward!

So you eat it even if you’re not hungry, simply because you want it out of your lap … especially when the girl in front of you decides to recline her seat until your tray table hits you in the ribs. True story.

Then they served breakfast right before we were going to land. Sadly, I ended up passing on the vegan donut. It had a “cinnamon soy glaze.” It looked as disgusting as it sounds, trust me.

One last thing:

“You know, I’ve been flying for 20 years or so, and that was one of the roughest approaches yet. So … yes. Um, thanks for flying British Airways.”

(Our pilot, right after we landed in London. I'm still trying to figure out why he felt the need to tell us this. "You should feel lucky that I'm such a great pilot, or else you would all be dead"?)

Right now, I am drinking peppermint tea in Heathrow. I have nothing to do for the next few hours, so I thought: when in London, drink tea.

Meta-Blog, or Why Pack When You Can Blog?

I have no idea what type of Blog this is going to be.

For one, the title is lame. I know. This does not portend great Bloggy things. Although ... it's certainly a flashy little thing already, what with the red and orange octopus tentacles writhing along the bottom of the screen.

I'm supposed to be packing for Boston because I'm leaving on a Greyhound to visit BC before I leave for Cape Town. But I haven't packed a thing yet, so naturally, I'm going to continue not packing and Blog.

I'm so Bloggy that I'm going to use a bulleted list right now.

Generally, this blog could go in one or a combination of the following directions:

• I could create a travel blog, in which I'd write sprawling prose about how everything looks/smells/hears/feels/tastes, with accompanying photographs. This would be tiresome for everyone involved. Ex: "As I walk toward Table Mountain, shrouded in mist on this particular day, I notice that the air smells of flowers and rainbows and good intentions. I eat a granola bar and dream of world peace." (I can't really explain why I'd suddenly turn into a hippie.)
  
  
• The touchy-feely blog, in which I'd talk about my Feelings. This would be dreadful for everyone involved. Ex: "I went to lunch today, and it was so wretched that I wept in my macaroni. I set down my fork and pushed the sad, sad casserole away from me, leaving it to marinate in my tears." (Which reminds me of this inexplicably fascinating website.)
  
  
• The soapbox blog, in which I'd give my opinions on Important Issues of the day. It would also have lots and lots of links for you to click. This has the potential of being screechy. Ex: "Dennis Kucinich is the only presidential candidate who supports my values, so you have to vote for him. Also: he believes in UFOs. No, this should not deter you from voting for him, you close-minded sheep." (This is just an example, of course.)
  

In the interest of avoiding a blog that is tiresome, dreadful, screechy, or some unholy trinity of these qualities, I'll go with the kitchen-sink blog.

I promise to post erratically, about largely unrelated things and at random intervals.

There.